Is It Time To Re-Think Love Island?

11 Aug

Why Are We Glorifying Unhealthy Relational Dynamics For Entertainment?

Did you know Ofcom recently and unsuprisingly received over 5000 complaints about the behaviour portrayed on Love Island?

In response to this, ITV director, Kevin Lygo shared “to get five million people to watch a show every night at 9 o'clock is extraordinary in the modern era, so something is being done right.”

As a Sexologist and a relationship expert, I am not sure if I am more concerned about the behaviours that I witness on these types of programmes, or the fact that these behaviours are normalised and commended for entertainment purposes.

There are many aspects of popular dating shows that I truly believe to be a deep issue for our society. Here are just a few of the unhealthy relational dynamics that are an ongoing theme in such programmes:

Lack of Emotional Regulation and Projection Onto Other People

On the show, we often see rage, upset and jealousy - all normal parts of the human experience. However, what we haven’t seen, is a healthy modelling of self-regulation, self-soothing and discussing a conflict or a relational rupture in a calm, grounded and transparent way with awareness. Instead, we often see these emotions spiral and projected onto others in the villa.

I wonder if contestants sat down, processed their emotions and calmly and consciously communicated with those around them, whether the show would be running. Why are we glorifying hurting others through not managing your own emotions?

Using Others For Own Personal Gain

The show itself is completely based on a premise in which to win, you must be partnered up with another individual, and success is achieved by how likeable as a couple you are. This creates a lack of authenticity from the start. Relationships are being created on the foundation of performance, and using people to get something for themselves rather than authentic relationships based on genuine connection, honesty and respect. The fact that using people without care for the entanglement of their feelings is televised in this way is worrying for future generations watching these play out.

Lack of Accountability

Relational dynamics are co-created, and this show could set such an example if we saw teachable moments of self-realisation of how we create the situations we are in. It’s essential to take ownership and accountability of our own behaviours, particularly when another person’s feelings are so closely affected. However, in this show, there is instead a high level of blame, projection and criticism.

Misogyny and Controlling Behaviours

Over the years, Love Island has been extremely disappointing with regards to the treatment of women - on the show and off the show. The men on show the have frequently used misogynistic language and a lot of gaslighting has taken place. On this years series in particular there was a worryingly amount of controlling behaviour. These red flags are yet again being glorified and internalised by viewers, which is particularly harmful for younger viewers with such easily influenced and malleable minds. Young boys will believe this behaviour towards women is normal and acceptable, and even honourable. Young girls will also sadly internalise that being treated this way is also okay.

Fortunately, domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid have stepped in to communicate with Love Island producers to improve the show’s duty of care. “At Women’s Aid we are being tagged into a stream of Twitter posts, with viewers of Love Island highlighting the misogyny and controlling behaviour being shown on screen,” Teresa Parker, head of communications and media relations at Women’s Aid, explained to Metro.

The contestants in the villa deserve better, and people watching the show deserve to have better relationships modelled to them. We deserve to see healthy intimacy & relationships televised in our culture.

If you watch Love Island or shows of a similar manner, just take a moment to consider this: by simply watching these shows are we contributing to the acceptance and perpetuation of these behaviours?

If someone close to you, particularly of a younger generation, watches these shows, here are some important conversation starters:

Relationships don't need to be this way. Relationships are supposed to be healthy and full of utmost respect, from both parties.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t entitle you to treat them however you wish. If you are hurt or angry, you still must take accountability for your behaviour.
Televised relationship and dating shows are very skewed portrayals of relationships; they don’t mirror normality.

Be mindful of what you are expsosing yourself or your loved ones to. Most importantly have these conversations, even if it’s just with yourself.

Much love,
Madalaine